Sunday, April 27, 2008

Introducing: Evil Jim Tressel

Superman has Bizarro Superman.
Spiderman has Venom.

and Jim Tressel? Jim Tressel has Evil Jim Tressel.

You never know when Evil Jim Tressel will appear. It could be for an entire game or maybe just a series.

Eye Witness Account [Sports Illustrated Vault - 12/5/1994]
"[Steve McNair] would have one more chance to take his case to the nation, to show that at the very least, he was capable of playing with the big boys of Division I-AA—defending champion Youngstown State...By halftime the game had deteriorated into something you would see at the corner sandlot, and Youngstown State went on to destroy Alcorn 63-20.

Would a healthier McNair have made a difference on Friday? Said Youngstown coach Jim Tressel after the game. "McNair might have been fortunate he had the hamstring. If he'd been running, he would have been tattooed."

Jim Tressel is a calculating, efficient college football coach who plays strategy and field position. Jim Tressel is field goals, punts, and pounding the rock. Jim Tressel will win games with scores of 9-7, 21-14, and respects the opponent. Jim Tressel will keep the playbook closed and keep the score close.

But piss off Jim Tressel, and along comes Evil Jim Tressel. Evil Jim Tressel makes grown men cry. You last saw him in Columbus against Northwestern. Evil Jim Tressel shows no mercy to the opponent. If you are an opponent and you are drowning, Evil Jim Tressel will put a hose in your mouth.

I expect to see Evil Jim Tressel a lot more in 2008 than 2007. There's a whole lot of seniors on offense and defense. After losses in the national championship games the past 2 seasons, Evil Jim Tressel needs to show everybody who is boss. Evil Jim Tressel needs to take on Pete Carroll, Rich Rodriguez, and whoever is on the other side in a bowl game.

Jim Tressel could do it, but it would be more interesting to watch Evil Jim Tressel do it.

I need the "If he'd been running, he would have been tattooed" quote after every game.

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